#2

i know people deal with a lot of crap on a daily basis. i am right there with them, but in a more literal sense.

as soon as i walked in the door, it was bathroom duty for me (no pun intended). i was in the bathroom for almost a straight hour. the kid notorious for pooping in his britches decided to bless me with yet another opportunity of cleaning up his droopy drawers and poop on the floor. let me tell you, it is not an easy task removing one's underpants while trying not to drop poop on the floor.

while i was trying my best to keep my calm and collected facade, my wall soon broke down due to five other munchkins running around in the bathroom. there was a poop mine on the ground and i was trying VERY hard to keep the kiddies away from it. not an easy feat if i do say so myself.

speaking of poo... one little girl decided to show me what hers looked like after she wiped. she walked out of the toilet stall, with dora panties and skirt to her feet, carrying a wad of toilet paper topped with a lovely present. yay for being the privileged individual who got to share that moment with her. EWWWWW!!! i was like, "girl, get your booty in there and flush it now. no one wants to see that, not even yo mama." EW EW EW.

on a lighter note, a kid tried to stick my earring up his nose today. i wore my feather earrings and the kids were entranced by them. one kid started playing with them and sucked it in his nose. needless to say i won't be donning that apparel again. i'm just gonna start wearing one of those yellow suits from monsters inc.



i can already feel my immune system weakening. time to up my orange juice dosage.

in the mean time, folks: wash your hands, use your hand sanitizer and disinfect everything you touch. you never know what germs decided to pay you a visit that day.

cliche title goes here

hi. i work part time at a preschool and feel that someone else should share in my adventures...

i've been working at this preschool for about a month. as of now, i am still terribly in love with my kids. although they have tested their limits more than i've changed poopy diapers, they are all still charming in their own little way. for now.

WARNING: if you do not already have kids, what you are about to read might prevent you from wanting children in the near future. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

here is a peak into my day(yes, this is real life):

- poop trail leading to the bathroom
- psycho kid screaming for 20 minutes
- kids kissing under the slide

let's tackle the "chocolate" footprints first. it was right after snack time when the mudslide occurred (sorry for the gooey references, if i don't find humor in my work i may go insane). my nose started to twitch as a foul odor filled the air. GREAT. which kid was the culprit this time? i never look forward to potty time. i mean, who does? the smell of a dirty diaper is anything but pleasant, unless you're a dog. then it's like christmas time, i suppose. anyway... i locked eyes on the target. he looks like a grown man in a 3-year-old suit. he is very serious looking for his age. i proceeded to ask the fellow if he made a "poopy" and sure enough he confessed he was guilty. as we trudged along to the bathroom, i noticed a trail that followed behind him. sure enough, he was the modern day hansel and gretal, but instead of using bread crumbs he used his own feces. poop had fallen out of his underwear on his walk to the bathroom. we had to quarantine the area to prevent the kids from playing in it while we cleaned up. ew. i still can't look at chocolate the same.

but that's not all. once we cleaned the area and decided it was sanitary for the kids to play it was time for the kids to play outside. outside time is the best because that is when everyone gets their energy and the teachers get to(semi)relax. that is, unless the future serial-killer kid decides to make life miserable for everyone within his vicinity. i know that may sound harsh, but this kid is pure evil. i try very hard not to inflict the self-fulfilling prophecy on him, but he almost brings it upon himself. not only does he have that satanic twinkle in his eye, but he has no remorse for what he does. now, i'm not i licensed psychologist, but i do have a degree in psychology and feel a little bit qualified to assess his behavior. some of the teachers even joke about him being the future jeffrey dahmer and imitate him saying, "i'm gonna eat your toes." yesterday i had the pleasure of having to put him in timeout because he had disobeyed the teachers. his final straw came when he chucked a giant bouncy ball at a little girl, knocking her off her feet. when i told him to come to me he proceeded to run around the playground laughing as i chased him down. finally, me and another teacher cornered him. he had to sit in timeout for 4 minutes but would not listen. he screamed at the top of his lungs, kept trying to push me and said he did nothing wrong. after about 20 minutes, he finally calmed down. i asked him why he was in trouble and he had no clue. he kept shrugging his shoulders and said he didn't do anything wrong. this kid has no remorse and he has a major problem with authority. i really want what is best for him and i don't want him to hurt people when he grows up. i told him every time he does something bad he's gonna have to give me a hug. hopefully he'll shape up real fast.

the final drama of my day occurred when i saw two kiddies smacking lips under the slide. i couldn't even process what had happened. they are 4 years old. why are they making out?!?! i called them over to me and asked them what was going on, neither of them answered. then i was as a blunt as possible, "were you guys just kissing?" the little girl looks at me all shy and shakes her head no. however, the little boy gives me a smug look, raises his eyebrows in a come-hither look and shakes his head yes. WHOA! already a casanova/heartbreaker. one of the other teachers tells them kissing is gross and that you get lots of yucky germs and they run along. i mean, what else are you supposed to tell them? i never thought i would have to deal with toddlers kissing. oh, but the story gets better. apparently a few years before i got there, there was another risque incident that happened with some of the earlier kids. it involved two girls, one boy and mulch. one girl was found with her pants on the ground and the other two kids were shoving mulch up her butt BECAUSE SHE ASKED THEM TO DO IT. have fun writing that up in an evaluation to the parents.

so there you have it. my day in the life as a teacher.

more tales to come. until then, eat a pb&j. it really does bring back a lot of childhood memories. :)

and this is your daily dose of me!

xoxo